Instantes Distantes

This has been a year of winning and losing.

I’m not exactly sure why I’m writing this in English, but that’s the way it started and it would be absurd to stop. Perhaps, as I once told the gorgeous witch, this second language of mine is like a confessionary, a way of showing everything with a bit of modesty and secrecy. Like running naked wearing a mask.

I have been hating this December since it started, mainly because my deeds are coming back to bite me hard in the ass. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

This year can be summed up in three characters, two stories and one ending.


Alpha

I met Alpha in the hot hot spring of 2006 but that is not important, in fact, as I write this im realizing that dates are a mess in my mind. That’s just how disrespectful I am.

What I do remember is that our story began on her birthday, after one of the most amazing concerts I have ever attended. We made furious and passionate love in a cheap nearby hotel. We both realized, that very night, that this was going to be an amazing story because, as any story worth telling, this one caught us from the first paragraph.

I will never forget her eyes, she has amazingly beautifull and revealing eyes, but that night, they were more revealing than ever. They were watery, her pupils dilated, her eyelashes grew an entire inch, and her body started shaking. We had a big, simultaneous orgasm, the very first night we spent together.

The song “What do you go home to” by the Texan band Explosions in the sky was the very first song in our soundtrack. And now that I think about it, its perfect portrait of that night, it starts with a relaxed and soothing rhythm and suddenly it turns into a wonderful roller-coaster.

I loved Alpha very much – I still do – and she adored me. For an entire year she was the closest relationship I had. She was almost…almost…my girlfriend.


Parenthesis

Quite some time ago I made a decision that will define the rest of my life. As any big assessment it sometimes haunts me and sometimes make me the proudest man on earth: I decided to be a hunter.

I came to the conclusion that there is no way that one single person will complete me in every aspect for the rest of my life; its not that Im a particularly complicated human being, but I am a human being. I change every mornig, every minute. Im not made of marble, but of flesh and bone. I wear many masks, so many that I have forgotten my “true” face – if there is such a thing – ergo, my many faces, my many “me’s” are completed by different persons.

That is the very essence of the Tattoo Hunter. The curse/blessing of being constantly amazed and fascinated by different persons, by different aspects of a single person or by a single aspect of many persons.

I decided, long ago to hunt. To be in an endless company of women, wich is to say, be in an endless aloneness (not loneliness).


Beta

True, I did not meet Beta in a gin soaked bar room in Memphis. But in a beer soaked bar room in Mexico City, nevertheless, she was a honky tonk woman.

The place was packed. A thick fog of cigarette smoke covered the entire room (God I miss those days) the music was loud, the air was cold and she was there. Beta is one of those women that you have to notice. It does not matter where she is, she stands among the crowd. I said hi to her flashing my million dollar smile, prepared to play the “I’m going to charm you” game. Amazingly, that game was never played because after I said my name, she opened her mouth in amazement and hugged me. “I read your blog, I’m a big fan of yours”

I have been blogging here for three years now, and it was the fist time a complete stranger ever told me that. I was flooded with the most unbelievable sense of triumph and achievement I have ever felt in my life. FINALLY all my typing was paying of. Oh, by the way, Alpha was there too and they liked each other instantly, like two sisters that separated at birth, found each other. This would have repercussions.

After this amazing first encounter, Beta and I decided to get a beer, in that exact same bar, a few days latter. We talked and talked for hours, she told me her life, and I told her mine. This was a bit unexpected, we both felt a physical connection in our prior encounter, the good talking was the little cherry on the top.

When we got naked, a few hours later, our bodies instantly felt familiar with each other. As if our skins were no strangers.

That night – and many others – she screamed my name, with all the air in her lungs. That was her trademark, her little idiosyncrasy in love making, and one of the most treasured memories in my brain. My cock turning her into a Banshee, into my banshee, the one that screamed my name when I was dying my little death inside her.


Alpha and Beta

I just wrote the beginning of two stories. Each story could be hundreds of pages long, but what I want to remember right now is a chapter both share.

It was summer 2008. I was lying in bed, waiting for Beta to show up. It was not her style to be late. I was about to send her a text message to her cell phone, when a knock in the door, made me jump out of the bed. She was standing there, with a big smile on her face. We kissed. Suddenly, I heard footsteps next to me, surprised, I separated my lips from Beta´s and saw the glowing eyes of Alpha, next to me.

It was an ambush, but it was the most perfect ambush I could ask for.

That afternoon (that night, and that next morning) we found out the subtle difrence, between a “threesome” and a “ménage a trois”. A threesome is three people fucking at the same time. A ménage is three lovers, making love with each other.

Alpha heard the screaming of my banshee. Beta saw Alpha´s shakings. I watched them both moan mixing tongues and fingers. And finally we melted in a beast of three backs, four breasts, two vaginas and a penis. The most beautiful monster of creation.

I cant help myself: I must write about a brief moment of awearness I had: During one of those delicious pauses, Beta´s cell phone rang. It was her long-distance boyfriend, breaking up with her. I remember vividly the following: Beta naked, talking to him, calming him down, saying the most tender phrases “I will be okay” “you need time” but looking at me with lust and, if it wasn’t enough, the warm breast of Alpha, touching my back.

“This is fucking unusual – I said to myself- And I love every second of it”



Endings (Write were it hurts)

Epilogue Alpha.

I said earlier that Alpha adored me: and I meant it. She pampered me like no one has ever done before. She became submissive to my will.

With Alpha I discovered that the easiest thing in the world is to get used to the good life, and that its ever easier to think that this good life is not something you have to thank and cherish but something you deserve.

That’s exactly what I did to Alpha, not only I took her for granted, but I also made her feel that it was her duty to tolerate me treating her like just another or my girls when she was my numero uno.

I turned into something detestable: A narcissist. An idiot so full of himself that thinks that the rest of the world has but one propose: Worshiping him.

I became Alpha’s poison. Her addiction, her crack cocaine. She knew that I was killing her soul, but she was hooked on me.

This could not last forever and she, wisely, ran away from my pestilence, from my toxicity. I will forever loathe my behavior.




Epilogue Beta

Beta never got hooked on me. In fact, she ran away from my pestilence much sooner than Alpha. She began to hate my unjustified cockiness. My intolerable sense of “the world owes me”. We became strangers, fast. Or maybe it was not fast but I was to busy adoring myself and my unmatched powers of seduction to notice her leaving.

I will forever loathe my behavior.

Ending

How does it all end? With me, alone.

This ends with me in my most satanic moment, because just like my father Satan I too had paradise and lost it because of my pride and my vanity.

It ends with me not being able to look in the mirror, because I abhor the stupid beast that looks at me behind the glass.

It ends with me crying my eyes out wishing I had the balls to shoot myself in the mouth.

It ends with me, regretting.

It end with me getting kicked in the nuts by my own stupidity.

It ends trapped in my empire of shit.

It ends with me, alone.